


I Can Feel Your Heartbeat Slowing Down

by brokenhighways



Series: Happy Endings [2]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-19
Updated: 2014-01-19
Packaged: 2018-01-09 08:09:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1143598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenhighways/pseuds/brokenhighways
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared finally comes clean about what made him call off his and Jensen's wedding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can Feel Your Heartbeat Slowing Down

**Author's Note:**

> Continuation of [No Matter What It Takes](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1129666)

"So you slept together?" Katie says excitedly. Jared rolls his eyes. Katie and the rest of the group seem to think that he needs to work through his issues and then he and Jensen will be okay again. Despite the fact that he's told them otherwise for the past month. Kind of. The thing is that Jared doesn't want to be the bad guy here. Right now his friends are treating the break up like any other break up instead of calling Jared out on the horrible thing he's done. Except for Chad, who's been weird with Jared ever since he stood up and told Jensen that he didn't want to get married anymore.  
  
"Yes," Jared says wearily. "So much for moving on and seeing other people."  
  
"Technically it is only you doing that," Katie says in between sips of her latte. "Jensen is still trying to figure out why you left him. In fact, we all are. And don't give me none of that 'it wasn't working' crap. You've run every major decision by me since we were kids. Like yesterday when you weren’t sure if you wanted sausage or bacon with breakfast." Jared pulls a face; he just doesn't cope well with decision-making, damn it. She’s also kind of right and Jared has a terrible poker face so he doesn’t bother to deny it.  
  
"Ha! Busted," Katie says. "C'mon. Spill." Jared sighs, glances at his watch before looking up to stare at the door longingly. He's only here because Katie feels bad for making him come to brunch every other week so they don't have to address the elephant in the room. So technically, Jensen could walk in any minute. Seriously, no one even bothers to knock anymore. But if he doesn't tell Katie now she will just wear him down eventually.  
  
“Okay, but you can’t tell anyone,” Jared says slowly. “And Aldis can’t tell anyone either because I know that you’ll tell him even if I make you pinky swear.”  
  
“We’re married, Jared,” Katie replies. “We are  _one_.” Jared rolls his eyes at her as he battles with himself. Does he make something up or does he tell the truth?  
  
“I almost ran away with someone else,” Jared blurts out before he can even answer his own question. His mouth has always been quicker than his brain. “That’s why I couldn’t marry Jensen.” He looks up to see Katie gaping at him, her mouth opening and closing repeatedly.  
  
“Details,” she says eventually. “Details. Wait, did you cheat on Jensen? If you did then I don’t want to know. Unless you need someone to talk to. But I don’t want to know. Ugh, start talking!”  
  
“No, we didn’t sleep together,” Jared says, he’s hurt that she would even think that. He would never do that to Jensen. Jared pointedly ignores the voice in his head that tells him that he almost did do that to Jensen. He wishes that it was enough that he hadn’t but guilt is a tricky bitch who does not fuck around. “He plays cello at the restaurant and he came up to me one day and we got talking. At first it was good, you know? I mean I love you and the rest of the guys but I can’t talk to you about Jensen-stuff because it always gets back to him. This guy - Tom - was an absolute stranger and it was just easy to spill everything out to him.”  
  
“Did you ever consider the fact that Jensen knowing about your issues might be a good thing?” Katie says. Jared glares at her. “Fine, fine, keep going, I won’t interrupt again.”  
  
“He actually convinced me to try to talk to Jensen about everything and I was going to but then Tom got this job offer up in Canada,” Jared continues. “And he took it and on his last night at the restaurant he said that he was in love with me and asked me to go with him.”  
  
“And you agreed?” Katie exclaims. Jared sighs. He should have just confided in his mom instead. She’d be too busy mourning the loss of her future son-in-law to interrupt every five seconds.  
  
“No. I mean, I’d be sunning myself up in Toronto if I’d agreed!”  
  
“Or burying yourself under a mountain of scarves,” Katie replies.  
  
“Whatever,” Jared says. “I said no, obviously, but...he gave me twenty four hours to make my choice and it took me all of those twenty four to convince myself that it was a bad idea. I was so miserable that I was actually considering moving to another country with a guy I barely knew. I love...loved Jensen, but the fact that I hesitated told me that I wasn’t ready to settle down.”  
  
“Jared, I love you and everything but...why didn’t you tell us this? Or at least tell Jensen?” Katie says. “You lead us to believe that he’d wronged you somehow and been this terrible person who didn’t make you happy when really, it was just that neither of you remembered to communicate with each other.  
  
“I was ashamed of myself,” Jared says in response. “And I didn’t want you guys to take sides or hate me. I kind of need you right now.”  
  
“Maybe you should have thought about that before you started flirting with some sleazy cello player.” That is not Katie’s voice, Jared thinks has he turns to find Danneel, Chris and Chad standing in the doorway. Chris looks uncomfortable and Jensen….Jensen looks crushed. Jared suddenly feels overwhelmed and he has to get it out. Jensen is at least right about one thing - Jared’s the one who always runs away.  
  
~  
  
A week after the ‘revelation’ as Danneel calls it in her Facebook statuses that are clearly aimed at Jared even if they don't mention him by name, Jared finds himself working overtime. He’s in the middle of playing something soft and heartfelt on the piano when his manager comes over to tell him to take a break, remove the stick from his ass and come back with some happier tunes. Jared mumbles under his breath and trudges over to the bar slowly. He orders a club soda and hops onto one of the stools. Usually he’d text Katie or...call Jensen but he hasn’t heard from his friends in about a week. Chad’s been out whenever Jared’s in and Katie hasn’t replied his texts. He can’t even blame her because the whole thing is his fault. He’s the one that’s screwed up.  
  
“Were you really going to leave me for a cello player?” Jensen’s voice sounds from behind and Jared turns to see his ex…whatever approaching the bar. Considering the fact that the last time they spoke to one another they’d ended up having sex, it’s a little awkward when Jensen sits next to him. Jared’s played that night over and over in his head and he’s pretty much resigned himself to the fact that it hadn’t been a drunken mistake caused by high tension. For one thing, they’d argued for all of five minutes before he’d kissed Jensen. And yeah, it was him who’d made the first move. Mostly because he didn’t like what Jensen was saying and he wanted to shut him up. He couldn’t leave the apartment and prove Jensen right about the whole always running away thing, so he’d done the next best thing.  
  
Jared can’t quite bring himself to regret it.  
  
“What are you doing here?” he asks when he senses that he’s been unresponsive for a tad too long.  
  
“I came to check on you,” Jensen says as he sips at the drink he ordered during Jared’s zone-out.  
  
“It should be me checking on you,” Jared says, because it should. Jensen’s the one who’s been lied to, he shouldn’t be here looking at Jared as if he still cares so damn much. “I’m sorry. And to answer your question, I wasn’t going to leave you for him. I just had to leave. I...I think I freaked out. We hit a rough patch and instead of talking to you, I freaked out and I’m sorry for that.”  
  
“I appreciate you saying that,” Jensen says. “And while we’re probably going to have to talk more about this Tom guy, right now I just want you to come back and hang out with us again. I know that it’s awkward and that it still hurts but…not seeing you doesn’t make things any better for me.”  
  
“Are you sure?” Jared asks. “Danneel seems like she’s really mad at me.”  
  
Jensen laughs at that and Jared can’t help the smile that forms on his face. Jensen’s laugh is still one of his favourite things. It probably always will be. “She’s pretty mad, but don’t worry. I’ll protect you. I always do don’t I?”  
  
Jared’s boss interrupts before Jared can answer and he can’t help feeling bad for being relieved.  
  
~  
  
The talk that Jensen said they need to have happens a few days later when they both get stuck in Danneel’s pantry. She’s just bought a new condo, and the gang is helping her set it up. Jared only stopped by to bring her a bottle of wine and those chocolates she likes because he’s not welcome on account of the fact that she’s still mad at him. Anyway, he merely steps into the pantry to say hi to Jensen when he realises that he can’t get out.  
  
“Uh, yeah...Dannel said that the door sticks and so we shouldn’t close it,” Jensen says after five minutes of wrangling with the doorknob unsuccessfully. Jared can’t help feeling a little aggrieved. Despite his and Jensen’s conversation at the restaurant, a simple hello was still extremely awkward and not at all worth him being trapped in relatively small room with his ex-fiance.  
  
“That vein in your forehead is throbbing like mad,” Jensen says in an amused tone. “So you’re either feeling angry or hungry. Which is it?” Jared lets the tension seep out of his body. He doesn’t want Jensen to think that he’s angry at him. Jared’s madder at himself for showing up here in the first place.  
  
“Sorry...I just...hate that we keep ending up in these situations together.” Jensen hums at that and goes back to stacking the shelves with cans. Jared watches him silently for a while, but not before he calls his phone a worthless piece of shit (in his mind) for not having any reception.  
  
“I don’t hate it,” Jensen says so suddenly that Jared is startled and he bangs his head on the highest shelf.  
  
“Fuck,” he murmurs as he rubs at his head. Jensen reaches out to touch the tender spot but Jared backs away. “It’s fine. I’ll be okay. What were you saying?” Jensen looks a little sad and Jared hates the way his expression tugs at his heart. He’s screwing up again and he doesn’t know how to stop.  
  
“I think us ending up in these...uh, situations is a good thing. Our problem was that we didn’t talk and it’s almost as though the universe is trying to make us talk. So, I dunno. Let’s...talk.”  
  
“I hate my job.”  
  
It is pretty much a universally known fact that Jared’s mouth is definitely faster than his brain.  
  
“What?” Jensen says in disbelief. “You love playing the piano and...you love the food over at Blade and you love that the restaurant is called Blade. Or well...I thought you did.” Jared suddenly doesn't want to do this. He doesn't want to talk; doesn't want to say things that he should have said before the breakdown of his relationship with Jensen. There seems to be no getting out of it, however, and isn't this what he wanted anyway? For Jensen to show interest.  
  
Jared sighs. "I loved all of those things but..."  
  
"You don't anymore," Jensen says with an understanding nod. "And I guess I fall under that category." Jared quirks an eyebrow because Jensen's not even trying to be subtle.  
  
"What?" Jensen's tone is defensive but light. "You can't blame a guy for trying." Jared decides to just answer Jensen's initial query. He doubts that telling Jensen that he still loves him but 'no' he doesn't want to get back together would go down to well.  
  
"I got tired of playing the same stale music, and the way that no one ever noticed me, which is my issue because they're in the restaurant to eat not pay the stupid pianist any attention. And then you stopped coming to listen to me and I got all depressed and Tom just appeared out of nowhere when I started to get really desperate to just talk to someone."  
  
Jensen frowns. "You said that about me. That it was like I stopped noticing you? Did you ever consider the fact that it was all in your mind? Hell, this Tom guy noticed you." He sounds pissed and Jared feels even more uncomfortable. He moves to the door and starts banging on it.  
  
"Hey, guys! Hey! The door is stuck!"  
  
"Running away again, huh?" Jensen says from behind him.  
  
"I had burritos and ribs for lunch," Jared says. "Do you really want to be stuck in a confined space with me for an undetermined amount of time?"  
  
"Point taken." They share a laugh but it quickly tapers out into a stilted silence and Jared is seriously considering praying for some kind of divine intervention when the door clicks and then opens. Jared feels himself rushing out of the room and he tries to slow down but the look on Danneel's face tells him that it's obvious that he's trying to run away from Jensen. He says his goodbyes quickly, earning himself a nod from Jensen and a fake smile from Danneel. He finds himself pausing as he rounds the corner, suddenly curious to hear what Danneel says to Jensen.  
  
"So...how did that go?" she asks.  
  
"Okay, I think. We didn't end up yelling at each other."  
  
"And you're still set on the whole 'Win Jared Back' thing?" Danneel asks and Jared tenses up. Not because he hates the idea of Jensen trying to win him back, but because he's still a mess. He's still confused and fucked up and he doesn't want to hurt Jensen any more than he has already.  
  
"Well, yeah," Jensen says. "I'm not going to let him run away from me, or ruin what we had. He's the one, he always has been. I just need to make him see that."  
  
"You're a brave man," Danneel replies. "What if it doesn't work out?"  
  
"I'll be able to hold my head high and say that I tried."  
  
~  
  
Katie drags Jared out for a coffee later that day and demands to know all of the details. Technically he should be mad at her for not returning his texts but Jared is still in free pass mode, and he deserves the silent treatment right?  
  
"So you know all about Operation: Win Jared Back?" Katie says when Jared tells her what he over heard. "How does that make you feel?"  
  
"Worse than ever."  
  
Katie gives him a sad look. "Okay well, what do you want from Jensen, right now? Danneel is making us help him win you back so maybe I can run interference and get him to pull back a little."  
  
"I want us to be friends," Jared says. "I'd rather have him in some capacity than not at all, but..."  
  
"The two of you have never been just friends," Katie says. "And that bothers you." Jared hates that she knows him so well sometimes.  
  
"Well, something is glaringly obvious to me. You're not ready to move on."  
  
Jared pauses, coffee cup halfway to his lips. "I'm not?"  
  
"You're still wearing your engagement ring," Katie points out. "And the bracelet he got you on your third date, and you've been miserable ever since you called things off and you are quite clearly still in love with him." Jared has no counterargument because all of those things are true. He just doesn't know what to do.  
  
"I can't tell you what to do," Katie says when he tells her this. "But I can tell you what I would do. I would give Jensen a chance."  
  
"Yeah, but, I'm the one who broke up with him," Jared says. "Shouldn't I be the one trying to win him back?"  
  
"So you do want to get back together?" Katie says excitedly.  
  
"Yes," Jared says. "No. I don't know. The fact that Jensen isn't in a huge huff over the whole Tom thing is still a surprise. That he still wants me is nothing short of a miracle."  
  
"Jared..." Katie trails off, concern obvious in her eyes. "What is wrong with you? You're the most confident person I know, so...where is all of this coming from?"  
  
Jared shrugs. "Maybe I'm just good at pretending."  
  
They talk for a few more minutes after that before Katie has to go and Jared tries to kill time before work. Despite the hustle and bustle of the coffee shop, Katie's words still ring loud and clear in his head.  
  
 _Give Jensen a chance_.  
  
Fin.  
  


* * *

  
  
Thanks for reading!  ~~I will try to post more of this before I get buried in a sea of evil lab reports that refuse to write themselves!~~


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